I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
