Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
