My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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