Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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