you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
how drunk are you?
Several
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
