I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
