Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
