The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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