I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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