Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
