i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
