TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
