I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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