I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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