I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
