so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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