dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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