He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
