Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
