I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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