I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
