Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
