I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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