his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
