all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
