I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
