Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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