There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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