I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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