I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
