I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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