omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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