Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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