But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
