can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
