Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
