Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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