some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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