I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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