I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm both gender and math confused
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
