What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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