i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
