Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the raccoons are back...
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