He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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