I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
