laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize