he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
