That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize