I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
