maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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