Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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