youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
