Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
