Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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