i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
