i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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