That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
