I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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