found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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