420 ftw
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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